Review: Bioshock Infinite

Box Art

Forget Hitler. Screw Freddy Kruger. Hype is the biggest killer in the world. Hype can ruin just about anything. It’s why I dislike Chris Nolan’s Inception, also because Nolan is a very average director, but also because everyone told me how great a film it was and how it will blow my freaking mind.

And much like my penis during my final year of university…my mind remained unblown.

It’s a similar case with Bioshock Infinite; it received 5/5 reviews, over forty awards at E3 and was said to be “the greatest game ever” by one of my favourite videogame journalists. So, I was sold. I wanted to play this game! No, I needed to play this game! And now I have. But before I express my opinion and ended up getting disowned by every gamer friend I have, let’s go over THE FACTS!

Bioshock Infinite is a first-person shooter developed by Irrational Games released in 2013 and was written and directed by Ken Levine. Normally I wouldn’t say who wrote of directed the game but Levine has become somewhat of a celebrity with the success of the Shock series; consisting of System Shock and Bioshock games.  Now THE VERDICT!

Yeah, it’s good. It’s not “so good that I came all over the keyboard and now I don’t have to use the auto-run key because my buttons are so sticky” but it’s good. Like I said, hype really fucked this game over for me. I sat there waiting for this big epiphany moment that would make this game everything that people were telling me but I got to the end of the game and it never happened. Okay, at the end of the game when you momentarily visit Rapture from the original Bioshock was very cool and nonstalgic, but “the greatest game ever” should build upon the past and innovate, not leave us reminiscing.

Bioshock Infinite does exactly this with its combat, because Bioshock’s gunplay was tighter than the Virgin Mary. There is a good feel and look to the guns in the game; in fact the guns looked so good I often found myself reluctant to drop one for another which lead to me carrying my starting pistol for the first couple of hours of gameplay. Although greatly out gunned, I did feel really badass taking down a man covered in armour hurling fire with my trusty peashooter. Most of the guns feel unique and it’s only in the later parts of the game that you start to encounter weapons that are remarkably similar to each other; this design choice is made all the more baffling by the fact you can only carrying two guns at a time and about half way through you will have decided what combination works best for you. My set up consisted of a Carbine rifle that could blow off enemy’s bollocks at a distance or up close, and an RPG for the bigger, tougher bastards. Also making their return from Bioshock are Plasmids, except they’ve been renamed Vigors in Infinite because fuck you. These powers allow you to throw fire, produce a shield or convince Justin Bieber just to give it up and work in McDonalds with the rest of the uneducated teenagers. However, these fall into a similar problem as the weapons, where you find the two powers that work for you and stick with them for the rest of the game. Some of the Vigors are introduced oddly late in the game and seemed to be there for the sole purpose of trying to keep the game fresh but they were so uninteresting that I just stuck with my fire throwing and bucking bronco; throwing enemies into the air and them hitting them with the flaming grenade really does relief the stress of a hard day’s work.

The parts of the game where you are trapped in a certain area and can’t go on until you’ve killed all the enemies in the most brutal way possible are made all the more interesting by the introduction of a Skyline, a rail that runs through the city which you can ride on with your melee weapon. The Skyline does add uniqueness to the combat; otherwise these sections would just equate down to nothing more than a static turret sequence. However, these “killing playgrounds” aren’t new and are taken from games like Batman Arkham Asylum, except in this case it’s done via first-person. There sole purpose is to make the gamer want to come back and play the section again just to discover new ways of these killing the enemies.

Sigh...look at her. She's just perfection.

Now, I will give credit where credit is due and say this, “Elizabeth is hands down the best companion in video game history”. There is so much I love about this character and how she’s programmed to behave at all times. When you’re just walking about she will wonder off and look at things in awe and when she’s done waits for you at exit, which might not seem like much but it’s the fact the designers animated her to lean against the wall with her arms folded just makes it seem so natural. Elizabeth’s mannerisms changed too, depending on the environment; while walking through a burning building she would develop a terrible cough or when sneaking through a creepy mansion she would fearfully hug herself. It’s this attention to detail that makes Elizabeth truly come to life and her positive attributes don’t stop there as during combat she will actively seek out and toss things like ammo and health to you mid-fight and save your ass. However, the greatest thing about Elizabeth is that she can’t die! An escort that can’t die! It’s the childhood dream fulfilled! Honestly, this kind of makes me hate the game more because I know I will never find a girl that is as perfect as Elizabeth in real life.

The game has an amazing ability to tell a story without taking away from the gameplay and any cutscenes in the game are seamlessly integrated with the gameplay and always from the P.O.V. of the protagonist, Booker DeWitt. What helps the story be told is the world in which we inhabit, the floating haven called Columbia, and how is uses every detail to add new layers of narrative to the world; from the conversation between two citizens to the propaganda posters plastered of the city. However, the dialogue between DeWitt and Elizabeth seems very forced at times because of the lack of cutscenes, for example, I was reading a poster on a wall when all of a sudden Elizabeth says to me, “It’s okay. You can ask.” This leads to a conversation about Elizabeth’s pinky finger, which is missing, during which she insinuates that I was looking at it, whenever I wasn’t. I swear I wasn’t. I was just looking at the wall. Honest! The beginning of these conversations just come out of the blue and can be very abrupt but once they get going they are funny, emotional and very realistic.

Okay, now here is the real reason why I included Ken Levine earlier and it’s so I have someone to direct my utter contempt at for this plot point. Oh…and SPOILERS by the way. You gone? Good! Ken Levine you can go and fuck yourself with a twelve inch rubber dildo with rusty nails sticking out of it for using a plot element so fucking convoluted and “get-out-of-jail-free”ish as the multiverse theory. That shit is right up there with time travel! What? Couldn’t get the copyright done in time to make a time travelling Zeppelin with a balloon the shape of a DeLorean, you twat? The story was good! It was a touching piece about a father’s self-sacrifice that could have had be crying on the ground whilst hugging my knees but instead you take the most pretentious route possible. Seriously, do yourself a favour and stick to directing your next game and hire the writer of Spec Ops: The Line to teach you about real action and consequences in a narrative.

Bioshock Infinite is good. Really good. It isn’t “the greatest game ever” and, sorry to sound pessimistic, but we never will have a greatest game ever because games are too versatile to have a title like that and it’s that versatility that makes me love videogames. The ability to play a game and then play something completely different in mere secondsis one of the best things about games. Is Bioshock Infinite the greatest first-person shooter of all time? Possibly. Is Bioshock Infinite the greatest Shock game of all time? Yes. However, that’s just my opinion. So do me a favour and stop throwing your “greatest game ever” opinions in my face.

Instead, start a video game blog and shove it in the internet’s face. Like me.

“Bioshock? More like Biocock! Imma right?"

Hans Davis